href=”https://jillporter.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/12637931_s.jpg”>Shame

It’s been a funny few days.

I have had some great responses to telling my back story.

The odd questioning ones as well.

Why would I tell this?

Maybe I should have made it more positive? Maybe it would be off putting if someone was wanting to work with me, if they knew I didn’t have it all sorted out?

None of them were doubts I hadn’t had myself, trust me. However, I take heart from Brene Brown’s quote : “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”

My purpose in telling my story is not only owning it myself but also, hopefully, providing encouragement to others who may be thinking that they are walking this path on their own. They are not.

I am on that path too and I meet people all the time, who are on their own version of this journey.

In our society, money is not talked about unless it is bragging about how much you have! Most people don’t do that. My mother went to her grave at 93, not ever knowing how much my father earned!!

Things have changed from then but it is still considered shameful to be in debt, to have to borrow money and god forbid to go bankrupt. (At the same time as we are bombarded with advertisements to buy, buy, buy! And to get this credit card and be jetting off on overseas holidays etc, etc,etc.)

I know how lonely it can feel to have these issues and feel that you are all alone. How scary it is. How alienating it feels. Just how fucking ghastly it feels!!

I hope by being honest about my path I can help someone else not feel so alone and to feel braver about reaching out for help, or just to tell someone else, so that it doesn’t feel so lonely and scary.

Another Brene Brown quote helps too:- “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”

Getting to today! My story

February 4, 2014

Another of the most common questions I get asked is how did I get to be doing what I do! This up close and personal video tells most of the story.

 

Can you identify with my story?Let me know in the comments below or if you would like to do that in person click on this link and request a strategy session with me. It’s free and if you’re in Auckland I will meet you for coffee and I even buy the coffee! I can’t say fairer than that!!

 

Hugs

 

 

Lululemon

Happy Monday and most of all, Happy New Year!!

I hope that you have had a relaxing break or, if you’ve worked through, that it hasn’t been too busy. I am assuming that many of you, like me, will start their new working year today. I’ll have to admit that getting up this morning, I did have a rather wistful thought about my friends who are teachers and still have some time to enjoy our summer weather!

I am excited about the New Year though and really looking forward to meeting and working with more wonderful women this year, to say nothing of the occasional wonderful man!

The New Year is often when we resolve to make improvements in some area(s) of our life. According to http://www.statisticbrain.com/new-years-resolution-statistics/ the most common resolutions for this year are:

  1. Lose weight
  2. Getting organized
  3. Spend less, save more
  4. Enjoy life to the fullest
  5. Staying fit and healthy
  6. Learn something exciting
  7. Quit smoking
  8. Help others in their dreams
  9. Fall in love
  10. Spend more time with family

Any of those resonate with you? Apart from number 7, because I did that nearly 20 years ago, I could live with most of these!

I also think that the Lululemon manifesto (picture above) gives pretty good guidance for life in general and contains good tenets to live by.
This time of year is a great time to review your 2013 achievements, pat yourself on the back and celebrate your successes. Then look at what didn’t work so well and what you can do to improve in those areas this year. Were your goals, or resolutions, too optimistic or did you, like so many others, make them and then forget them?
There is a great deal of literature about successful setting; just Google it and see!

General points of agreement seem to be:-

  • They must motivate you
  • They must be SMART ( Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound)
  • Write them down
  • Make an action plan
  • Stick with it!

I also think that sharing them with someone else, who is supportive of you, really helps too. This can be a friend, partner or spouse, or a coach or mentor. Someone that you can turn to when the going gets tough, who can motivate you and remind you of why you wanted to do this in the first place! Even highly successful athletes have coaches; watch the Heineken Open starting today here in Auckland or the Australian Open starting soon (both tennis tournaments), if you want proof of that!

Part of the success of having a coach is that we often feel more committed to something if we have to be accountable to someone else! It shouldn’t be; but human nature being what it is, it seems to be so. We very easily let ourselves off the hook, but when we have to “report” to someone else we are more likely to stay motivated and on track. Some good examples are not only the sporting examples but also programmes such as Weight Watchers, where the thought of the weekly weigh in, in front of others, can be highly motivating when tempted with some edible delight!! The same applies to having a personal trainer at the gym. For me it always seemed easier to go to the gym than face my trainer and admit I didn’t go!!

So it can be if “spending less, saving more” or “paying off my credit cards” is amongst your resolutions or goals this year. Working with a Money Coach or accountability partner can keep you motivated, on track and educate you about the pitfalls and tips and tricks to be successful. They can also be your cheerleader or advocate, when times are tough. You are not on the path alone. If you or someone you know has these or something similar as your resolutions or goals, hit the button below and we can organize a time to have coffee (I pay!) and a strategy discussion on how you might go about being successful. ( if you are out of Auckland we can do this virtually)
Have a wonderful week everyone and I hope that 2014 will be a happy, healthy and successful year for you and yours.

18665868_sIt’s confessions time. Whilst I don’t always know what I’m going to write on Monday morning I usually have at least some idea and sit down at 0630 do a bit of research and away I go!

Today, I was up at just before 6 as usual, but couldn’t move past watching the All Blacks eventually win against Ireland. What a nerve wracking experience that was!! Consequently it is now 8:30 and my mind is pretty blank! Tried to work in something about team efforts, team discipline, doing what needs to be done and team goals but let’s face it I don’t really send this to teams! But then I decided: what about if I changed it to all of those things for individuals!

So here goes!  Some key factors necessary to achieve any financial goals!

Goals! Yes first you need to set a goal or maybe several goals. What do you want to achieve, by when, how are you going to do it and what will have to happen for you to know that you have been successful? The clearer you can be on all of these points the easier it is to achieve them. They need to be so real that you can almost taste them. The All Blacks went into today’s game with the goal of beating Ireland so that they could achieve the record of going through the season, having won every game they played. It was going to be done today, achieved by playing better than Ireland and they knew they had achieved when, at the end of the game and the final whistle blew they had more points than Ireland! Yours need to be as clear as that.

Discipline. You need to be so focused on your goals that this is easy. You want what is at the end so badly that it is easy to keep yourself on track and not spend money on stuff that is outside the plan. If you do, then as soon as possible you straighten up and get back on track. A word of warning here:- Don’t make the plan so strict that you finally call quits and have a big splurge! Just as when you are on a food plan or the dreaded word, diet, it is important to not make it so strict that it is impossible to maintain for the time needed to lose the weight, so it is with a spending plan, or another dreaded word, budget.
Team work. Now this one is not always part of financial goals but it may be; sometimes more than you think! If you are in a relationship then it is important that you have goals that are inspirational for you both so that you are both motivated to stick to the plan. This goes for families too, especially if your children are old enough to understand what you are aiming for. They can then understand that not getting the latest X box is not such a hardship if it helps towards the bigger family goal of eg going to Disneyland! They are much less likely to be motivated by paying off the mortgage unless they can see the advantage to them!! The All Blacks are always very big on this…everyone is working towards what is best for the team.

Celebrate. When you have reached your goal be sure that you celebrate your success and make all the hard work worthwhile. Usually the achievement of the goal has a great deal of satisfaction inherent in it, but a celebration helps reinforce the positive side of striving for success. It reinforces the positive side of goal achievement and makes working toward the next one easier. Now I don’t mean blowing a hole in the credit card you have just paid off by going out and splurging on a dinner at the best restaurant in town accompanies by the best champagne and wines! Sort of defeats the purpose doesn’t it? It would be nice but something slightly more modest will still fit the bill! One would imagine that the All Blacks probably celebrated with a beer or two!

What goals are you focusing on at the moment? Are you well on your way to achieving them or are you having some struggles? I’d love to hear about your experiences and I’ll help where I can.

Do you spend a lot of time worrying about money? Does it interfere with your work life?
 
A recent arti12637931_scle in US News cited a study by McGraw Hill Federal Credit Union, which showed that in a survey of more than 1000 people, 36% of them said that they spent at least two hours a day either worrying about their finances or handling them. “…another study, “Stressed at Work,” from Bensinger, DuPont & Associates, an employee-assistance program provider, that suggests almost half of workers are so stressed out that it interferes with their ability to get their jobs done. About 44 percent of male respondents and 49 percent of female respondents said they had “difficulty concentrating” as a result of “personal problems and stress.” Meanwhile, Gallup’s 2013 State of the American Workplace report finds that 7 in 10 workers are not engaged with their work.”
 
If you are an employer this must make scary reading!
 
I was interested in the article, because I have been approached recently by an employer seeking assistance for one of their staff, who had a significant amount of debt and was very worried about it. It was agreed that they would pay for their employee to see me. We have met several times and have made some plans for dealing with their situation, which has eased her anxiety considerably. Even if she wasn’t worrying about her money situation at work ( and I’m certain she was!) she was losing sleep over it. This alone would have reduced her effectiveness at work.
 
So her company paying for her work with me will, I’m sure, be very cost effective. As well as improving her productivity it will also increase her company loyalty, because she appreciates how they have supported her personally.
 
Many companies now subsidise gym memberships; a good case can be made for also providing access to financial education and support. I have done several talks for companies to provide this. I am very happy to do it for your company as well; just give me a call.
 
As promised a couple of weeks ago now, here is the link to request my article “How to get through Christmas and the Holidays without blowing out the credit cards!” Simply click on the Christmas tree. You will also be sent a Holiday planner from Karen McCall of the Financial Recovery Institute along with the spreadsheet to go with it.

Have a great week.
 

This is today’s Monday Money Motivator. Enjoy and have a great week.
http://eepurl.com/EcpIz

I read two excellent articles in the NZ Herald on Saturday.

The first by Diana Clement, their “Real Money” columnist, “Plastic Surgery: Clever Ways to Use a Card”,  demonstrates how “…Credit cards can be rewarding if you know how to use them wisely and receive more in rewards points than you spend on the fee”. As usual Diana gives excellent advice and I recommend you read the article.

However today, I am going to focus on the other one, by Nicky Pellegrino, an Auckland novelist and journalist. “Change your attitude and keep the weight off”, is, as you might have guessed, about dieting or not!! In it Ms Pellegrino, explains how she lost more than 10kg and kept it off by changing her attitude to food and how she ate.
Firstly, she identified what was wrong with the way she ate, which for her was “…. a ruinous love of the starchy carbohydrate. Great bowls of silky risotto, comforting pasta dishes, mashed potatoes and bread on the side were what stood between me and a healthy weight.” So she changed her way of eating and ate more vegetables etc and limited her carbohydrates. She didn’t give them up completely.

Now I am not giving advice on nutrition and dieting here, but I was amazed at how the advice she was giving could also be adapted and be equally effective for spending and getting out of debt.

I often tell my clients that there are many similarities between food and “dieting” and money and “budgeting”. Firstly, whilst if you have a problem with alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, you can give them up and never have to deal with them again. This is not so with money and food…we will always have to use them, so we need to change how we do that. The other one I use often and it is the language we use. Just as “food plan” sounds better than diet, I use the term “spending plan” rather than budget. I always heard deprivation when anyone suggested I needed to be on a budget; spending plan denotes more choice somehow!

One of the things Ms Pellegrino said, was that as she wasn’t feeling deprived or hungry she could stay with it and gradually lose the weight. This is something I stress with my clients; it is important that we don’t feel deprived when we are trying to change our spending habits or eliminate our debt, as that will almost always lead to a blowout, ruining all the good work you have done. It is far better to allow for treats and the things that nurture us, and make slower progress, than to face the blowout and give up all together!

So, if you are trying to save money, make sure that you make a realistic spending plan which allows for the occasional treat and some fun, so that it can be sustained over time, rather than putting yourself on a starvation diet and blowing it after a week or two!

As always I would love to hear your comments. Have you been successful at sustained weightloss or saving?

Have a wonderful week and remember “All things in moderation”!!!

Big hugs,

Jill