Make sure to discuss any money problems with your other before they become your significant other!!

One of the most common reasons couples come to see me is disagreements over money. This is not surprising as it is one of the leading causes of divorce.

So the statistics are against you to start with….imagine how they escalate if the issue is something you have hidden from your significant other, especially if it was an issue before you committed to one another!! This is particularly if your problem is with debt. Discovering unknown debt, particularly if it is a large amount, can be a real honeymoon stopper! It can even be a marriage stopper.

I know that when I got together with my partner, my overspending  very quickly became an issue between us. In fact, it was really why I finally found help to deal with it. Now, whilst we still have very different attitudes to money, they’re out in the open and we can discuss money with that knowledge. Now, I’m not saying it makes it easy!! It is however, less fraught than it would be, if it had come to light once we had committed to one another.

So, if you are just developing a relationship with someone who, you think, might be “the one”, find a time when it is just the two of you, maybe over a quiet drink, meal or coffee  and begin to talk.  You can start by simply asking ” Do you think of yourself as a spender or a saver?” Ask them about their money goals, do they have any? Inquire about their debts – do they have a student loan, how big is it? Do they have credit card debt, again how big is it?  Do they save for something or just put it straight on a credit card. Obviously it is better if this is a two way conversation and not an interrogation!! Share with them your goals and attitudes towards money and if you have any debt. It is better to be out in the open.

If you’re reading this and thinking ” Great, but it’s too late for me, we’re married and he/she doesn’t know that I have $15K of credit card debt” Tell them NOW! The sooner the better. It is always better if you tell them than they somehow find out on their own. The deceit then somehow just seems worse and is more damaging to trust in the relationship. Your partner could then be thinking “What else have they hidden from me?”

So, be proactive and discuss your attitudes to money before your move in together or get married….trust me it can save a lot of heartache!

If you have been in either situation, please share your experiences in the comments section below.

Love and Money

I recently read this  great article, by Kathy M. Kristof, a columnist from the L.A. Times.http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-cover-love-money14-2010feb14,0,6454842.column

Her opening paragraph says it all:- (I know Valentine’s Day is now over but what she says counts any day!)

“It’s Valentine’s Day, when even reasonable people wander around, engagement rings at the ready, blathering about how “love is the answer.”

Passion often blinds sweethearts to the fact that matrimony is, at bottom, a contract. Figuring out how that partnership can prosper is critical for a successful union. Yet financial differences rank among the greatest sources of marital misery, in part because talking about money before you tie the knot makes many couples uncomfortable……….”

Snap out of it! Love, in fact, may be the problem.

Kathy Kristof goes on to say that it’s not too late; but that the earlier our partners are aware, and understand, our financial history and what shapes our money views, the better.

In my practice, I use a tool developed by Karen McCall of the Financial RecoverySM Institute: the MoneyMinder® Personal Autobiography. This does an excellent job of guiding you through a self discovery process, on the influences which have determined the way you manage money.

When both partners have completed their own autobiography, sharing them often leads to lots of “uh-huh” moments. This opens many avenues for exploring how those differences can be better handled, without always causing rows. The options are considerable.

I’d love it if you would take this poll and allow me to discover how you have dealt with the money discussion before you committed to a relationship.

Twitter – a waste of time?

I went to my first Tweetup on Friday night and had a ball. It was the first NZ National Tweetup and it was just fantastic. Over the past couple of months I have been developing relationships with some great people, and it was wonderful to meet so many of them face to face….and we had such fun!

For me, this was proof that Twitter is a fantastic tool for developing great relationships – personal and business.

I had never met, nor even talked to, any of the other Tweeps there so, yes, intially there was some hesitancy and shyness. However, once we discovered who the other one was, ie their Twitter name, it was like meeting an old friend.

Now, the reason I am writing this post is because of some of the reactions I got from friends when I told them that I was going, or had been to the Tweetup. “Oh, are you into that time-wasting stuff?” “Why would you get into that? Isn’t it just kid’s stuff?” “I can’t see how that could be useful for getting clients”

Firstly, I may have had the most gray hair of anyone there, but I don’t think the rest of them were kids, either. In fact, according to iStrategylLabs, whilst the biggest single group is the 18-34 age group, 52 % of people on Twitter are 35 and over. Secondly, whilst I am yet to actually get a client via Twitter, I am absolutely convinced that it has enormous potential for just that; getting clients. Dave Barnhart www.businessbloggingpros.com, says that Twitter is the most powerful prospecting tool on the planet!

People do business with people they trust. People learn to trust others by developing a relationship with them. With Twitter  you definitely develop relationships with people – Friday night was proof of that. From the start you could hardly hear yourself think because of everybody talking at once!

Whilst, the Tweetup was fantastic for deepening the relationships I had already developed, I truly believe that business relationships can be developed through online Tweeting alone!

I concede that being active on Twitter is time consuming; but it is not time wasting. So I will just have to more educate my friends some more, on the benefits of participating on Twitter for business.